


John's Diner

by VIXI17XVII



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bakery, F/F, Idiots in Love, M/M, Multi, Pancakes, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Rose Lalonde and Dave Strider are Siblings, Sappy, Slow To Update, Trolls (Homestuck)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 08:36:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21194756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VIXI17XVII/pseuds/VIXI17XVII
Summary: Dave Strider doesn't know how to react when a cute nerd with a Proton Pack Backpack nearly knocks him over. He doesn't know how to react when said guy drags him to a coffee shop, or how he should react when he misses class and gets semi-scolded by his half sister. All he knows is that it's now his only goal to figure out that guys name, no matter what it takes.-I listened to Tom's Diner well writing this, it was supposed to be a one shot but,, why the hell not make it into a multiple chapter thing if people want to read it - which reminds me, if you want me to continue this just comment or leave kudos or smth





	John's Diner

He didn't bother to shake off his own umbrella when he walked into the diner. It was on the corner of the street, a street that he past by daily. But he hadn't ever noticed it before. Not really, at least. It was in the background, a place he seen thousands of times, yet never bothered to check out. Why should he? It was probably some stupid Starbucks rip-off anyways.

But it crashed into the foreground soon enough. It had been in the morning, a rainy day when he was walking down the street - and he bumped into a total nerd. Now, he had seen nerd-like people before, especially during highschool. But none of them could compare to this kid - who had to have been the ultimate nerd King. 

He had the whole nine yards, really. His backpack happened to be one of those ridiculous Ghostbuster pack things, his shirt had the slime monster on it, his glasses were as thick as a strippers ass on a Thursday. And his buck teeth. They looked like beavers teeth, yet somehow they suited the man he had crashed into - or, well he had technically crashed into him.

He squeaked. Not an annoying, high pitched feminine squeak. No, it came from him - and it was silent, yet Dave had been so close that he had heard that squeak. And after he had squeaked, he backed up and began to profusely apologize. 

"Oh gosh, oh gosh I'm so sorry, i wasn't watching where i was going and - well, and i should do something, uh, you seem like a coffee guy? Want to get coffee - i know this really good place, and we can get it for free too and well, just uh, come with me." 

It was genuine. That surprised him; in a city like this there was a drug junkie on every street, someone wanting to sell you coke or heroin and an angry Karen asking to speak with a manager at the local Chinese restaurant for finding a pubic hair in her shrimp. 

He was polite. That was the first thing he noticed about him. The second? His killer grip. Without warning the nerdy, scrawny kid latched onto Dave and dragged him across the street. He reacted too late to do anything but let a small "what?" escape his lips. His cool kid persona was instantly gone, he had become flustered.

And had totally forgotten about the math course he was supposed to be sitting in. 

The guy dragged him into the diner, sitting him down at the nearest, cleanest booth before grinning. His smile was wide, a little too wide, a little too contagious. It was a little too contagious because Dave found himself smiling too, just slightly, just for a moment.

He sat down on the otherside of the booth, quickly grabbing the coffee menu in a manner Dave couldn't describe - it was like he knew where everything was, he didn't even bother to look where the menu was, yet grabbed it almost instantly. After a few moments of mentally procrastinating the question he decided that it was like he owned this place.

He couldn't have. He was in his twenties at the very most, he still had baby fat in his cheeks - just slightly, enough to give his face some volume, almost making it look as if he was constantly smiling. Not that he wasn't already constantly smiling. He was and it was adorable. 

He handed the menu to Dave with a slight hum. "It's the different types of coffee. On the side there's a bean scale, one bean is very weak, like, tea weak, and five is strong. Like, bitter and potent even with cream." Dave hesitated, looking towards the menu before flipping it open.

He looked towards the coffee before looking back towards the guy that had dragged him into here. "How'd you know i hadn't been here before? Maybe i have, maybe i know every little thing inside this coffee shop like the back of my hand. Better than Obama knows his way around-." The scrawny nerd cut him off with a snort.

"I've never seen you in here, that's why. It's my father's diner, I'm constantly in here working shifts for him." That would explain a lot. Dave hesitated before shrugging. "Huh, good memory then." Dave awkwardly said, mumbling under his breath before handing the menu back.

"Well, you pick for me then, since you obviously know your way around a good cup of Joe." He seemed to think this through for a moment before grinning. 

"Sure, Strider." His face blanked, he didn't already say his last name outloud, had he? No, he couldn't have - he seemed to pick up on this and spoke again. "Your binder, on the table, Stridork." Stri-what now? Dave snorted before nodding. "Yeah i deserve that, alright, Stridork or whatever isn't my name, it's Dave." 

"Well it's nice to meet you Dave, and sorry again for uh; crashing into you," He stood up before heading towards the counter, he really did seem to be the shop owners son because he was instantly greated by the barista on shift. 

Not even seconds later the guy appeared with two coffee's and a slice of both apple and blueberry pie. One had whipped cream on it, nearly a whole can, Dave imagined, with chocolate flakes thrown on. And a straw. Who used Straws in coffee? This man filled with actual sunshine, apparently. The other? Seemingly black coffee.

Dave was handed the black coffee and the apple pie. "Cool kids like black coffee, right? You look really cool and unapproachable, and well, kinda mysterious if you ask me." He said, outloud as if it was perfectly normal to do such a think. "And there was strawberry and rhubarb pie made, too, but there wasn't ice cream, and that kinda sucks without strawberry ice cream in my opinion, so i hope apple pie works for you, too."

They spent a whole half of an hour together, just talking. It turns out that he was twenty. Dave was twenty-one, and had just turned it a weekend and a half ago. They had talked about a lot of things, actually, and the younger man seemed to be able to talk just as much as he could.

By the time Dave finally realized he had a class he was missing out on he had to bolt out into the rain. By the time he realized he hadn't gotten the guy's name he was half way across campus. 

He decided just to go to his dorm room that day. He sat at the desk in his side of the room before turning on his computer. After logging into Pesterchum - Something his brother and half sister Roxy Lalonde had been developing since she hated Trollian. It was currently on the market as well, and a few hundred people had already started to use it - he began to pester. 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 15:20 --

TG: i dont even fucking like coffee 

TG: but i just drank a whole cup of black coffee

TG: that shit tastes awful by the way

TG: way too bitter

TG: dont really understand how that girlfriend of yours likes it so much

TG: but do you know what i do like???

TG: cute ass little guys who think bumping into you deserves a sorry of a free fucking coffee and a slice of heavenly apple pie

TG: i mean, tits over heels kinda pie

TG: homemade with tender love and care kinda pie

TG: the kinda pie that leaves you begging for more yknow

TG: but enough about the pie

TG: i dont even know this guys name

TT: Tits over heels kind of pie? 

TT: I feel like I'd need to try a piece to understand what you're getting at, Dave.

TG: yeah yeah ill bring you a piece next time i go to the diner

TT: You didn't mention a diner before, which one?

TG: jones i think

TG: or at least thats what the blue and white neon sign said

TG: i think at least

TG: i was paying more attention to bug eyes 

TT: Never been.

TT: Shouldn't you be in class?

TG: pie guy distracted me with coffee 

TG: currently at the dorm and like hell I'm going back outside

TT: Hmm.

TG: what?

TT: What's your game plan?

TG: my what now

TG: im supposed to have a what

TG: what do you mean by game plan

TG: like

TG: for now currently

TG: dealing with class 

TG: because that plan is just to ignore it

TG: its math anyways

TG: thats a bullshitted subject if ive ever seen one

TG: not to mention that the classroom smells like old men

TG: like

TG: strongly of old men

TG: like if old men were to have an multiple orgies with eachother

TG: only to spray cherry scented air freshener in the room and give it to the head orgy master to teach in

TG: mr rourke seems like hed be into that shit too

TG: little too youthful if you ask me

TG: are you still there

TG: or was the old men orgy too much

He waited for a moment or two before sighing, heading towards the kitchen before making himself some cereal. A meal made for kings, or so he claimed. He was exhausted from running all the way to campus - the pie had given him just enough energy to give a shit about making it to campus on time, but not enough to make him actually head to his classroom.

He didn't bother sitting down at the kitchen table, rather he headed back to the desk and sat down, bringing the spoon filled with Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff flakes. His brother, Dirk Strider managed to get a company to produce cereal of his stupid web comic for his birthday last year. 

The flakes were mediocre at best. But they were red and blue, and sometimes stained your teeth depending on the packaging, and that made him pretty proud. His shitty cereal was sold at every 69 cent store from here to Austin, Texas. That was definitely good enough for him.

That's when he noticed that his pal from earlier had responded, his screen going spastic with notifications - she must have been just responding, too.

TT: No, it wasn't too much.

TT: Kanaya had just called me. 

TT: I had to respond, of course.

TT: And i didn't mean about you skipping class, i meant the Diner situation.

TT: And it's actually called John's Diner, Kanaya has a friend or two who works there, apparently.

TG: huh 

TG: of course she would

TG: shes weird like that

TG: and ill probably just ask for the manager 

TG: describe the guy i met and pull a cinderella 

TG: ask for his name

TG: give him my pesterchum

TG: give him my phone number if he doesnt have pesterchum

TT: Alright, but i suggest you go tomorrow.

TT: After tomorrow the store is closed for the next week and a half.

TG: why?

TT: Looks like the reason would be April Fools. 

TT: Maybe a birthday of some sort? 

TT: Ask Kanaya if you really must know.

TT: I should get going, anyways.

TT: I have a dinner with her in fourty five minutes. 

TG: alright

TG: ask her for me then

TG: ill just be at home

TG: writing sick beats about egbert's diner

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 15:59 --

That's why he was at the diner today. It was still raining - he hated it. He didn't like sun, either. But rain? It terrified him. He wouldn't ever admit that out loud, though, especially now. He did set his Umbrella to the side, even if he didn't shake it, before making his way to the counter. 

"What can i get cha?" A man in a white bowler hat happened to be the barista today. Dave quickly looked towards him - because of course it was him he was talking to after all - he had woken up at the early four of seven am, and he definitely wasn't mentally prepared for a question like that.

"Just regular old black coffee," he began, hesitating before continuing. "And a slice of apple pie. Please." The man nodded, quickly getting the slice of apple pie first before heading to get the coffee pot. 

Moments later he returned, pouring the coffee into the pot before coming to an abrupt stop. Dave hesitated; about to tell him to add more - it was only half way full, there was no way in hell he'd pay for it, even if he didn't like coffee and it spared him having to drink it - but he only handed the coffee to the blonde, staring out the window.

A black haired girl suddenly made her appearance, she looked.. she looked like the guy he had seen yesterday; the one who had dragged him into all of this - except she was a girl, and well, also looked quite different. They were probably related, somehow at least.

"Jane; it is always nice to see you!" The man all but sang as he spoke, waving towards the girl. She waved back, smiling as she shook off her umbrella, placing it on the side before walking forwards. "Ahh, thank you, it's always nice to see you, too." She was definitely older than the man he had met before - yet she didn't look it. But the way she held herself, and the way that she spoke, she seemed far more older then her possible age could have been. 

"Is John in yet?" She questioned, tilting her head as she did so. She seemed to wait for a response, one where the father shook his head, signifying a solid no. "Not yet - but would you be interested in some pie? He baked some yesterday, although because of how rainy it's been today i doubt we'll make huge sales." He mused, looking outside as he did so. "It really just has been pouring the past few days - means snow is just around the corner."

Dave held in a shiver, silently taking a sip from the half filled coffee mug as he did so. Snow. It was disgusting. Currently, he was in Washington - and although it wasn't ever a lot of snow, it was enough to make Dave sick. He preferred sun. Heat. Hell, he didn't even like the sun - but snow had always been a strict no to him - and Dirk had been the one to drag him here, which just made the winters ten times worse. He usually stayed inside and hibernated unless he needed to go outside.

The two continued talking, speaking their hellos - Dave simply looked away, quickly grabbing a news paper before flipping it open to the first page, kindly ignoring them. It wasn't his business, after all - he wasn't here to listen in on conversations like a total stalker. He was here to talk to that nerdy guy, give him his pesterchum and or phone number and sweep him off his feet. Not literally of course, but he wouldn't be apposed to it if he asked.

Dave ignored the first page when he read the headline - it was about some actors death, one that he barely even knew. So he began flipping the pages, keeping an eye out for the horoscope. Virgo, specifically. He didn't believe in it - horoscopes, that is. It was hippy shit, boring too. But he knew someone who did, so whenever he got his hands on a hippy-paper like this, he'd make sure to pester her about it.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix at [GA] 9:50 --

TG: so virgo says youre an even bigger virgin this year

TG: or month 

TG: wait no this is weekly isnt it

TG: anyways 

TG: what it actually says is to eat more vegetables and uh

TG: stay hydratred

TG: stay away from libra because theyre angry this week

TG: and yeah thats basically it

GA: Hm Now That You Mention It

GA: I Have Been Feeling Dehydrated Lately 

GA: Maybe I Should Start Counting The Amount Of Glasses I Drink Daily

GA: Oh I Almost Forgot

GA: Hows Finding Your Cinderella Going

TG: ew

TG: rose totally snitched on me didn't she

TG: thats it

TG: im fighting your girlfriend 

TG: slash my sister

TG: well

TG: half sister

TG: but you get the gist

GA: Ill Take It As You Haven't Seen Him Yet

GA: Dont Worry

GA: He Should Be By There Soon

GA: Hes Normally There By Ten

GA: Which Is Five Minutes Away

GA: I Wish You Luck

TG: wait if you know so much about him just tell me his name already

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 9:55 --

He held in a silent groan as he set his phone down, flipping a page over and finding the funnies - comics, that is. It was too bad he couldn't get his own comic into the local news paper. Something about it not being kid appropriate. What, did kids actually read these stupid things? They were a waste of paper, especially since now adays you could look everything up on your phone and have no problems. And besides, half the people who knew about his comic were kids - hell, he started this comic when he was thirteen. And he turned out fine..ish.

He was just about to bury himself into the comic for five minutes - waiting for whatever the hell his name is before feeling someone staring. Slowly, Dave raised his head, looking around - the girl from before sat with her father in a small booth, eating away at some sort of pie - and there had been no one else in the coffee shop. Maybe he was over exaggerating - but he wasn't. Because as soon as he looked towards the window, he seen her.

A black haired girl who also looked like the Mystery Man. Except she had long, curly black hair - her eyes were green, too. Yet she had the same bunk teeth. Dave paused, slightly moving to the side to see if her eyes would follow - and they didn't. Instead she began hitching up the large skirt that seemed to reach to the ground; moving along to fix her stockings. Before he could be called a pervert of some sort, Dave quickly looked away, towards the newspaper again. 

She must be soaked, considering Dave couldn't see an opened umbrella anywhere near her. Yet, a few minutes later the door to the shop opened, and the exact same lady came in, sitting down at the booth, before loudly speaking. "John isn't coming around today. Something about preparing for his prank wars with Jake English, whoever that is." Jake? He instantly raised a brow, adjusting his shades before listening in to the conversation. 

"Ahh, makes sense. Hey, didn't Jake's boyfriend have like, a brother or something?" The other girl said, before taking a look around - and she locked eyes with Dave. Or well, locked her eyes onto his shades. "Oh - that might just be him? Has the same cool guy aesthetic."

Dave hesitated before giving off his best cool guy grin - he was surpised, impressed, yet throughly concerned. "Jake English? Datin' Dirk Strider?" He questioned, leaning back as he did so. "Yeah!" The girl with the overly huge skirt said, racing towards him. "Woah, Jane was totally right, you do have this weird cool guy vibe - and why are you wearing sunglasses during a rainy day?"

"Strider never tells his secrets - uh," He said, looking for a name. "Jade. Jade Harley. Jake's cousin." He paused before nodding, quickly filling that probably not important information away for later. "Jake's cool, I've met him once or twice. Dirk doesn't really let me talk to him though after the cereal incident."

"Wait, you're Dave? That makes way more sense." The other girl said, chuckling as she did so. "Yeah, he still won't touch plastic spoons for fear of having a blue mouth afterwards. I don't think he's realized it was actually the cereal dye it's self yet." Dave mused, nodding as he did so.

"I think we should convince Jake to do a family dinner - we still haven't met Rose or Roxy? Is it Roxy? Yet." Jade said, smiling softly as she did so. "Well, I'll attempt to persuade my brother into it. And, i should probably give you guys some contact info so we can actually make this happen," A chance to embarrass Dirk was a chance worth taking. "Do you guys happen to have Pesterchum?"

"Oh! Yeah we both do!" Jade said. "Sweet, mines turntechGodhead. Pester me when you get the chance to," He said, grabbing his mug and setting it on the counter before nodding, grabbing his own umbrella and leaving the coffee shop. If the guy from yesterday wasn't coming around, it wasn't really worth waiting all day for him.

He'd just have to try again in two weeks.

When he finally made it back to his dorm he checked his computer, finding three new Pesters - one had to have been from Rose or something, the other two being from the girls he had just met.

\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:28 --

GG: Hello there, this is Jane Crocker.

GG: I don't believe i had the chance to properly introduce myself, I'm Jake's childhood friend, Jade's Cousin, and John's Grandma. 

GG: I'm not really hisGrandma, but he insists on calling me as such.

TG: its an honor to meet you jane

TG: a nasa graded honor

TG: an honor greater than any other man or woman has ever achieved 

TG: by meeting you ive basically met multiple gods

TG: so thank you jane crocker jakes childhood friend 

TG: thank you jane crocker jades cousin 

TG: thank you jane crocker grandma to john but not really

TG: thank you

Jane. So that was her name. Odd - he really should be making a family tree for this weird abomination of a family, considering his brother was apparently screwing their cousin? Did he get that right? Wait no, childhood friend for Jane, cousin for Jade? And how did John tie into this? Was he a son? A half son? A full son? Who even was he? Was Jade a half daughter? He had some serious questions that needed answering - not literally, but still. Maybe Dirk knew.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:26 -- 

GG: hi!

GG: its jade from earlier :)

TG: woah

TG: you and your cousin have the same acronym for your screen names

TG: reminds me of my half sister and dirk

GG: really? 

GG: thats sooo cool!

GG: me and jane did this before we even met and it wasnt even supposed to match or anything

GG: it was really funny when we first messaged eachother! 

Looking for the last Pestering he paused, seeing that it was from an entirely new contact as well. ectoBiologist? Maybe the father guy decided to message him as well?

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:30 --

EB: you're totally not a black coffee drinker. 

TG: ??

TG: first off

TG: youre not wrong 

TG: apple juice is more of my style honestly 

TG: second off

TG: who are you and how do you know

EB: you mean like the scene from little monsters? 

EB: that scene was so funny, you've seen the movie right?

EB: howie mandel and fred savage both have major rolls in it.

EB: great, now youre making me want to watch it again.

EB: i don't have time to watch it, i need to prepare for a prank war.

TG: you mean the piss scene

TG: yeah ive seen the movie

TG: why did the fat kid or whatever even know what piss tasted like

TG: like

TG: seriously he must have had a thing for piss or something 

EB: it was the fifteenth time in a row monster howie mandel peed in his juice, use your brain, numbnuts.

TG: i think im still going with the fact the kid probably had a piss kink

TG: probably liked the monster piss too

TG: b-list monster celebrity assholes can do that to you

TG: wait

TG: this isnt even the questions i asked you 

EB: kanaya, i believe you know her?

TG: wait

TG: does that make you super nerdy guy who had a ghostbuster pack as a backpack?

EB: it's actually called a Proton Pack.

TG: ill take that as a yes

EB: the name part stays a secret, i want to see how long it takes you to guess it!

TG: wait seriously

TG: fuck youre awful

TG: im gonna spend weeks on this

TG: you should give me pity and just tell me already

TG: also are you involved in convincing english to consent to a family dinner or whatever

EB: i don't think so, and yes i do believe so?

TG: great

TG: i say we do it just after april first because im not ready to have my bro wrap my whole dorm in wrapping paper again

TG: last time was awful 

TG: my roommate is a grouch and made me clean it up as soon as he seen it

TG: props to him though because it probably wouldn't have gotten cleaned up otherwise

EB: got it! 

EB: after april fools it is then!

EB: but we should totally meet up before then, because i offically owe kanaya five bucks and it's your fault.

TG: how

EB: your first message was '??' instead of literally anything else, you owe me dennys pancakes as an offical tax.

TG: offical tax huh

TG: alright

EB: wait seriously?

TG: yeah

TG: but you owe me one of those apple pies

TG: and we never speak of the coffee incident ever again

TG: meet you at dennys at like

TG: 6ish

TG: for dinner

EB: alright! 

EB: see you then dave!

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:43 --

There was only one question on the tip of his tongue after that conversation. What was this guys name? 


End file.
